Pregnancy Pearls is a series of supportive reminders to help women with some of the stressful aspects of pregnancy and childbirth.
Based on principles of Mindfulness and Cognitive-Behavioural Therapy, our Pregnancy Pearls series distills some of the simple reminders that women find useful to integrate into their self-care during pregnancy, and into their psychological preparation for birth. These tips do not replace individualised therapy which involves addressing particular concerns (eg., extreme fear of childbirth) and disturbances of mood (e.g., anxiety, depression). follow us |
Take stock of the pace in which you are operating. Does it seem like there are endless tasks on your 'to do' list? You don't have time to sit down? You are constantly rushing? Do you feel stressed by the deadline of your baby’s due date?
We can fall into the trap of just keeping on going – trying to get everything done before bubs comes along. Stop...slow down. Add "time-out" to your 'to do' list. No one can just keep going. Allow your 'to do' list to roll over each day. Slow down the pace in which you are moving. Listen to what your body needs, take breaks, and spend some time tuning in to your baby. It is so important to restore our systems. Ironically, this allows us to get more done. Look realistically at what could be done after the baby is born. Does it all have to be done now? If you are feeling out of control, your sleep is disturbed from stress, or you feel that your stress levels are just too high, seek help. |
Childbirth is largely a mental event. Although women can be happy and excited about going into labour some apprehension is normal. Some women feel particularly fearful about how they are going to cope.
Fear brings about tension, and tension can increase pain. We cannot control what our bodies do in childbirth, but we can minimize the impact of fear and tension on our experience of pain by preparing mentally. Arm yourself with positive beliefs you hold about yourself, and think beforehand about your capacity for being determined, strong-minded, tenacious, and so on. Think about examples of when you were most determined (e.g. running a marathon, climbing a mountain, studying, getting a job done). You might ask your partner or birth support person to remind you of these things, and to remind you that with each contraction, you are getting closer to meeting your baby. Similarly, every step in a C-section is bringing you closer to meeting your baby. Focus on the outcome. It can help to have a picture of a baby to focus on, as a visual reminder of what is to come. If you feel overly anxious about birth, talk to your obstetric practitioner and/or a therapist. |
By attending to the areas in your body that most commonly hold stress, you can shift from feeling on edge, to feeling more calm and in control. Dropping your shoulders, loosening your jaw, and breathing slowly and deeply, are helpful strategies for both pregnancy and during birth.
You might ask your partner or birth support person to remind you to do these things when you are in labour or undergoing a C-section. In labour, a soft, open, mouth gives your body the message to relax, and your cervix the message to ‘open up’. Dropping your shoulders, and taking slow, deep breaths in between contractions can help to minimise tension. In a C-section, these strategies can also help you to relax. |
Women often compare their pregnancies and births. Self doubt and feelings of inadequacy can be the result, especially in the face of strong opinions held by others.
There is great variability between women’s pregnancies, bodies, babies and birth stories. How can there possibly be a 'one-size-fits-all'? Women can feel so empowered when they recognize that everyone is different, and that everyone’s experience is different. There is no ‘right’ way. |
When other people share their (often unsolicited) opinions about how childbirth should happen, this can lead to self-doubt and feelings of failure. There is a lot of judgement out there– people justifying their own ways of doing things in ways that can appear critical of others. One of the most rewarding aspects of working with pregnant women and new mums is helping them to differentiate themselves and their values from the opinions of others.
Other people’s opinions are determined by different circumstances, backgrounds, fears, aspirations, and values. Let their opinions be their opinions – neither right nor wrong, just different from yours. If you are constantly worrying about what others think, or you are avoiding people or situations for fear of judgement, it might be useful to seek help. |
When someone shares their ‘horror story’ about birth, slow your breathing down, and with each out-breath, breathe their story away (back to them). This is their story, not yours. It takes a presence of mind to not take on the distress of someone else’s negative experience. This involves bringing your mind back to the self in the present moment, rather than fearing the future based on someone else’s narrative. Your story will unfold soon enough, and you will deal with whatever comes. When you are in it, you will deal with your reality.
If you feel you are unable to manage your fear or other distressing feelings, you might want to talk to a professional. |
Anxiety is a combination of symptoms in the body (including racing heart, hot/cold flushes, tight chest, shallow breathing), and fearful thoughts. Pregnant women often find themselves worrying about future difficulties (e.g. “what if I have eaten something that will harm my baby”, or “what if something goes wrong in the birth”). Bringing your focus to what is going on in the present moment allows you to deal with what is actually happening rather than fearing what could happen. The odd anxious thought here and there is normal, but when these thoughts become obsessive or intrusive, along with anxiety symptoms in the body, help might be required.
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We can be so harsh on ourselves. With all the information out there about how to have the ‘perfect’ pregnancy and birth, we can judge ourselves as inadequate by comparing ourselves to others or by trying to live up to expectations that may not be attainable. Why are we so often kinder and more forgiving of our friends than we are of ourselves? Be kind to yourself.
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